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Thread: PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

  1. #1
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    Oct 2006
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    Remember this commercial? For those of you that have never experienced the role of the Wingman, you should always be prepaired to step up and take one for the team. You never know when you might be called upon to perform this important job for someone in need. The job of the wingman should not be taken lightly. Someone is relying on your "Wingman Skills"... DON'T LET THEM DOWN!

    <object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WYkLCYiE3TY&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WYkLCYiE3TY&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

    I&#39;m posting this because the season is starting. Much like motorcycling, our off-season wingman skills might be a little bit rusty. You may think that you skills are keen. Don&#39;t "wingman" over your head. You could "target-fix" and completely crash and burn. Remember, if you fuck-up as the wingman, your lead flier is also fucked...

    Please read this "fictional" story (for demonstration purposes only). The names havn&#39;t been changed to protect the innocent... because lets fact it, we want to laugh at their asses.

    And so the story goes...


    This past Friday night Io-Bot, Palm-Bomb (shitty wingman) and myself went out to Pour House in Hartford with plans of drunken debotchery. We headed out at about 10:00pm (mostly because Palm&#39;s gay ass decided to wait until 9:30 to shower and then spent 10 minutes running arround the appartment naked, showing off his fat, hairy ass. )

    We arrive at the bar and standing all alone, next to the pool table is this wonderful bit of blonde goodness. She&#39;s dressed in this cute little summer dress, cleavage is out and legs for days... Everyone in the bar is staring at her, thinking dirty thoughts, but no one is approaching her.

    We get a drink and head over to the pool tables (duh!). Within 5 minutes, she&#39;s Io&#39;s new best friend. It was almost as if she was standing there wearing a sign that said, "No thanks, I&#39;m waiting for Dave" They start playing pool and everything is going text-book awesome. Io isn&#39;t even trying hard. It&#39;s almost not fair. Girls this hot barely even exist, let alone fall right into his lap! Now they&#39;re playing doubles pool against two dorky guys (and beating them). She&#39;s pretty drunk and has now switched her ficticious sign over to "I&#39;m going home with Dave, thanks". They&#39;re dancing, sinning in each other&#39;s laps, he&#39;s "helping" her with her pool shots from behind. It&#39;s quite a show.

    Now, this is going great, but suddenly takes a left turn... After about an hour of this flirting and general fore-play, her "safty" (ie: fat friend) comes out of nowhere. The "safty" has a foul look on her face and she wants to leave. It all happened so fast that none of us could react. I tried to throw a pizza the the "safty" to distract her, but it was too late. "Hot girl" had her jacket on and was headed for the door. (wingman failure #1).

    Now, normally this is where the story would end. "Safty" was engaged, Hot, Drunk Chick was gone. Game, Set , Match... We go back to drinking and yelling and basically making a spectacle of ourselves.

    ABOUT 1 HOUR LATER... SHE COMES BACK!!!

    She comes running back into the bar and makes a B-line for Io-Bot. It&#39;s like having a second shot at entering heaven. Palm Bomb leans over to me and states, "I&#39;m gonna be seeing her in my apparment tomorrow morning". Now this REALLY isn&#39;t fair. Io-Bot hasn&#39;t put fourth any effort into this and he is going to score BIG TIME! Over the next two hours, they are fondling eachother, drinking, and dissappear up to the dance club upstairs (It must have been a sure thing, Io paid a cover to get into the club).

    Palm and I continue to drink and make a spectacle of ourselves while this asshole is upstairs with "Hot-Chick" basically guarantying to get laid. They come back downstairs because she wanted to smoke a cigarrette outside. She is now accompanied by another friend (not the fat one...).

    Now this is where the lesson of the story is...

    Palm springs into action at the designated "wingman". He immediately heads outside for smoke time. He&#39;s keeping the friend occupied while Io-Bot improves upon his game. While this is going on, I am keeping watch from inside the huge front windows of the bar. They&#39;ve been outside forever and Palm is working the "wingman" situation hard. I can tell that he has the friend completely isolated, and is trying to get them back inside so that Io-Bot can seal-the-deal.

    The next thing I know, both girls are GONE! It was like watching an old cartoon of Wile E. Coyote falling off the cliff. Nothing but a dust swirl. Io-Bot comes stomping back in the bar, chouting that Palm is the WORST wingman ever created. Palm is noding his head in agreement, asking for a mulligan due to being out of practice.

    Apparently, Palm was performing his wingman duties by trying to get the girls back into the bar for a drink. At some point they all got into a discussion of age. It turns out that Hot-Girl&#39;s friend is slightly older than Dave and Chris (she was 29). She was also the designated driver, and not drinking. Palm is trying to get them back into the bar and offers to buy a shot for everyone. The disignated driver declines the shot because she is not drinking tonight. In a last ditch effort, Palm says to her something like... "What? You&#39;re too old to do a shot with me?" ...and it all goes to shit! They&#39;re gone. Io-Bot is fucking his fist tonight, and it&#39;s all Palm&#39;s fault. MAJOR WINGMAN FAILURE!!!


    Please read this story and learn it&#39;s lesson. Don&#39;t be a victim of a "rusty wingman".





    We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...
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  2. #2
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    Just another Saturday night... what&#39;s the big deal????

    *edit* so it was Friday night....

  3. #3
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    Yeah... i was NOT happy!!!

    I mean, she was buying me shots, i was getting her shots, dancing upstairs, made out, she got my # just in case... it was a done deal. Nope! I&#39;ve never seen Chris fuck it up that bad...
    I don't really ride, but when I do... I'm faster than you!

  4. #4
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    ROFL thats great!!
    -JR-

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  5. #5
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  6. #6
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    loooool great write up!

  7. #7
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    Haha good story, looking forward to this weekend&#39;s debauchery!
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  8. #8
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    ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

  9. #9
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    okay, what I actually said was "if you don&#39;t do the shot, it shows your age."

    sounded MUCH better in my head before it came out of my mouth

    Saftey-1, wingman-0

  10. #10
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    okay, what I actually said was "if you don&#39;t do the shot, it shows your age."

    sounded MUCH better in my head before it came out of my mouth

    Saftey-1, wingman-0
    [/b]
    Lets be honest folks, he could have said something MUCH worse I&#39;m sure.

    We really need to teach you how to sensor yourself once in a while.

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